Over-Mothering Kills Something Wonderful
Is this tale a cautionary metaphor for neurotic parenting?
A four-leaf clover is sometimes called a shamrock. Trifolium repens is the plant that begets the bona fide four-leaf variety, but almost all the buds from such plants are regular three-leaved versions. Only occasionally do shamrocks randomly sprout from these plants.
Celtic legend that pre-dates Christianity designates the four leaves to represent faith, hope, love, and luck. Later, St. Patrick used the clover leaves to symbolize the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and—when one is lucky enough to find a fourth leaf—God's grace. Why a saint would use something extremely rare and random to signify divine grace is beyond me.
Despite several attempts, I've never found a four-leaf clover in the sea of three-leaved weeds that is our yard. Perhaps I am too judgmental: according to the ancient Druids, our yard is filled with symbols of faith, hope and love, if not luck. Maybe I should just be thankful for what we've got.
Recently, our neighborhood friend was on a walk and stopped by to enjoy a beer on our front steps. During that 10 minute chat, he casually looked over and found four—four!—four-leaf clovers, sitting right there next to our steps. He has apparently found many in his life. He must be the luckiest guy in the universe.
I was so excited and then instantly worried that this fascinating, anomalous plant might be mulched by our lawn mower, eaten by a bunny, trampled or killed if we ever decided to try to grow actual grass in the yard (highly unlikely).
Oh my goodness, I had to save this plant! Following the stem to the runner, I found its roots, gently extracted it from our yard and planted it safely in a small green planter on the front porch, figuring it shouldn't be that difficult to grow confined in a pot. It's a weed; what could go wrong?
The next morning, like magic, all but one of the four-leaf clovers was gone. I suspected one of the kids harvested them, but they all deny it. A few days later, that last lucky clover dried up and died. In retrospect, it wasn't mine anyway. My coveting this plant is reminiscent of the children's story, Henry and Mudge and the Snow Glory by Cynthia Rylant. Why couldn't I just admire the clover for what it was, without trying to control it?
Lesson learned: When you have something rare, quirky, wonderful and thriving, don't screw it up by trying to change it. I suspect this might apply to parenting, too.
What rare, quirky, and wonderful things do you admire in your kids?
Tell us in the comments.
Mary Kennerly
2:18 pm on Sunday, July 10, 2011
As parents we usually observe our children exhibiting an array of fabulous gifts and talents over the course of their childhood years. We often wish others (especially teachers) would also see those quirky behaviors as gifts. And fortunately teachers today are very aware of the theory of multiple intelligences as described by Dr. Howard Gardner, a developmental psychologist who is a faculty member at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. It is a well documented and published theory with many applications for classroom instruction---it is a topic of study
for those who major in education in college or those who pursue graduate degrees in education. Google Howard Gardner or Multiple Intelligences to find a wealth of
information and resources. The good news is that most children do have gifts in
at least one of the areas of intelligence. The unfortunate news is that schools are only funded to provide programs for those who are gifted in a few of those areas. But the really good news is that with (maybe even without) support our
children will become adults who use those multiple gifts to become successful in many areas of life. Whether gifts are noticed by others or not, our children benefit
when they are given opportunities to develop and enjoy those gifts and are appreciated for the gifts they do have.
nancy
11:57 am on Monday, July 11, 2011
Great article--it made me think of raising my three children and would I do something different. I am a believer in letting your children experience A LITTLE failure and learning that the world is not always a wonderful place. Making everything seem like a fairytail story does not prepare them for their futures and handling their life. I also believe girls need this reality check as much, maybe even more than boys. I never wanted my two daughters in a position that they had to stay in a bad relationship, because they didn't feel they had an optiion. I was very happy with the results. All my children went to college and did this on their own. They worked the senior year in college in had jobs with adults and said when I asked them what they thought of their summer jobs. I was told that they found out they didn't want to do that the rest of the lives. College was the next step and I didn't have to twist their arms to go. Sometimes a taste of real life is good medicine.
Karen
11:20 am on Thursday, July 14, 2011
This is fantastic! Well done Victoria. Thank you.
Pat Maloney (Wilken)
9:21 pm on Thursday, July 14, 2011
Just a note on the subject of finding four leaf clovers......My grandfather was one of those with the special gift of finding them...like your visitor. He would look down and stoop over and just pick one out of the three leaf ones. He kept us supplied with them, when we were all children. My husband and my grandfather were special friends, and my husband had one of my grandpa's four leaf clovers tucked in his wallet for many many years, for luck.