Over the years as my daughter grew up, there were many of her friends that I didn't like. I don't think I was insufferably controlling although some around me felt that I was insufferably passive. I of course disagree. I always made it clear to my daughter that I wasn't going to pick her friends for her. I wanted her to use her judgement, and hopefully the knowledge and morals I was teaching her to help her choose.

I did however, point out those things that I was not happy about, or those character traits I saw in her friends that I didn't like. Even though I didn't push the issue either way, I did let her know my feelings and then told her to make her own choice. When she went through her high school years, there were times where her friends talked her into things or maybe she just did them, that I didn't like. I'd express my disappointment, punish her if it was necessary, and again I'd point out those traits in her friends that I thought might send her down the path I felt was wrong.

Now that she's graduated, I've seen and heard about many choices that she made that I wasn't even aware of. Mostly because she had to tools to choose and did so. I was very pleased.

All parents probably have the feeling they dislike at least one or more of their children's friends. We certainly can't control who our children like as friends and
it becomes more difficult with each passing year. Conversation about friends however offer valuable opportunities to discuss friendships, coping with difficult
people, understanding people who are different, and what to expect from friendships.
Such a conversation can be opened with statements like "Tell me about your friend
Susie, she's seems different from your other friends." or " It seems like you enjoy spending time with Jonathan, what do you like best about him?" After listening carefully to your child you can say something like "He seems like the kind of person
who might get into trouble at school, am I right about that." or "She sure does wear a lot of make-up, what's that about?" Gaining skills to relate with difficult people is much more valuable that deciding to run away from
them. This is one of the life skills that can be beneficial as our children grow into
adults.

helpful in guiding your child into healthy friendships
render some good insights into the friend you don't like

I just had a talk with one of my kids today who swore I had it in for one of his friends. What I tried to explain to hi is that it has nothing to do with whether I "like" a fried or not. As an adult I'm not looking for friends in the 12 to 16 year old set. Howver, the problem is that I do not like the person my son is when he is around this other child too much and THAT is what I worry about. When my kids are around another and that contact changes the kind of person they are in a negative way, then the contact needs to be limited or ended.

Just like I would not roll around in nuclear waste that would make them toxic on one level, I also can't allow them to hang out with influencers that make them toxic in any other way.

For a younger child who is still learning how to make "good choices" for the most basic things, I would have coached more first and taken a much kinder and gentler approach. In this instance we tried that and it didn't take. I'm dangerously close to the, "Because I said so" method. Otherwise MY son is going to be the one that other parents are coaching their child away from!