Wuv, Twu Wuv

As a pastor, I am asked to do a lot of weddings. I enjoy them. It is fun to see all the different family dynamics at the wedding rehearsals. I usually am well-fed. I also enjoy awkward moments and there are plenty of them in wedding preparations. As the officiator of the wedding, I usually give a charge to the couple. 1 Corinthians 13 is a much-used passage for giving these charges. It speaks on the subject of love.

When I was 10 years old, I thought I was in love. Her name was Sarah. In a horrific twist of fate, I found out that my cousin was in love with her at the same time. We found out late one night doing mad libs (remember those?). At first we laughed, but inside I was secretly plotting his demise. Love makes a 10 year old do sick things. I remember daydreaming about her in school. I vividly remember a tornado drill we had. The alarm sounded and we had to line up in the library against the wall with our heads between our legs. I’m still not sure how this keeps a tornado from tearing me apart, but maybe we are just kissing our butts goodbye. During the tornado drill, I daydreamed about a tornado ripping through the school and moving toward the library. This was my chance. I sprang to my feet and tackled Sarah just as a bookshelf crashed where she was squatting. Then we looked at each other. That was the end of the daydream. They always ended with us just looking at each other. I suppose at 10 years old I didn’t know what you were supposed to do with the woman that you love.

Everything changed in the spring of my 6th grade year. I was attending the social engagement of the year; School Skate Night at the roller rink. And this was going to be no ordinary night. I had determined that I was going to ask Sarah to couple skate. There were always two couple skates at every School Skate Night. I lost my nerve during the first one. I also had the safety net of knowing I had one more chance to man up. But then it happened. Minutes before my moment of destiny, I saw Sarah bend over, make a horrible face and puke all over the floor. I can still hear the sound of the splat. Honestly, it was rather repulsive. I stopped loving Sarah at that moment. She forever became the girl that puked at the roller rink.

Some may say that was cold hearted. But I was just glad I didn’t make my move during the first couple skate. That would have made things awkwardly complicated. I would have had to found a way to get rid of her. And the song that was playing was The Time of Your Life from Dirty Dancing, so that could have resulted in instant chemistry. Or even worse, she cold have puked on me and I would have become known as the guy who got puked on at the roller rink. Middle school is tough enough without that tag. As I grew older, I made the sound decision that it wasn’t love after all. Who would have known?

So, if that wasn’t love, what is? I’ve been married for 12 years. Marriage is awesome and hard. I love my wife, Jill, but it has taken me many years to better grasp what that really means. My first year of marriage was a roller coaster. Incredible highs, but then fast, gut-wrenching descents into the lows. I wanted a partner in life who would care about me, show me affection and let me keep my individualism and let me do whatever I wanted. It didn’t really work out that way. Turns out, most wives don’t think it is cool when you leave every night to play basketball or softball. Congratulations to the lucky man that met that wife. But Jill had this expectation that I would spend most evenings at home watching Meg Ryan movies with her. It got ugly at times as both of us tried to hang onto our individuality in our immaturity. And maybe one of us was more immature than the other one. I’ll leave that to you to figure out which one.

Things were emotionally strained and I didn’t get it. We even had 1 Corinthians 13 read at our wedding. But as I unpack that passage a little, I see that maybe I missed some of the principles. So what is love?

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Turns out love is less about feel-good emotions and getting our needs met. From this list, it looks as if it requires sacrifice, selflessness, trust and commitment. That is tough. And this is not just the way we are supposed to love our spouses, but everyone around us. I suppose if I truly loved Sarah, I would have cleaned up her puke or made myself puke to take the attention off of her. You get what I am saying.

So now that we know what love is, how do we love? People are easy to hate. We love because God is love. We love because God first loved us. We love because we love God. I found out the hard way that the only real way to love is to let God love through you. And if you don’t spend any time with him, that is impossible.

What manageable way can you love somebody today? Not emotionally or romantically, but real, raw sacrificial love. This is how Jesus loved people and He changed the world. He calls us to do the same. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.